17 days

in 17 days i will see my fiance for the first time since march 7th. that's 4 and a half months, or 18 weeks (for those of you who know david puffer, he would respond quickly with 126 days or 3,024 hours). the even crazier part about it, is that i will not see her again until our wedding! if you are like everyone out here who asks about her, you're probably thinking "i would never do that" and your right, i wouldn't either. but i did, and she did. and it's been one of those blessings in disguise. it really has been. it's hard to communicate sometimes when you are in different time zones but it helps you appreciate the time you do get to talk. i've spent the past year waking up (almost every day) at 4am so i could talk to her because she gets up at 7am. but she's been the real trooper staying up to countless hours since i generally don't get in from work until about midnight out here. (thanks bekah!!) she really is the best.

the weather is beautiful out here, today the high was 78 with a cool "delta" breeze. i meant to google "delta breeze" to find out what the exact definition was, because on the news the meteorologist must have mentioned it at least a dozen times in a 5 minute span. i guess it's one of those california things like "the 5" or "the 101" or "in and out" or maybe even "wanna come to a barbecue?" (in california they call a cookout a barbecue, even when there is no "barbecue" involved). but about the delta breeze, i know it's not coming from memphis or the land of the delta blues, so i'd like some insight.
i just finished fishing with a good friend of mine, caleb, and his dog cooper. they are my roommates out here (that is, until bekah and i get hitched). caleb is a great fisherman and also a really great conversationist (not in a bad way). he never hesitates to ask me what i'm thinking about or what i think about a certain topic. the Lord has really blessed me with a friend like caleb as well as his healthy lifestyle that is kinda wearing off on me.
we caught some pretty nice fish. i should have taken some pictures (sorry). we have two lakes on our property and they are stocked with large mouth and there's some small blue gill. there's legend of some monster catfish but i haven't wasted any time testing it. i feel like i'm spending more time fishing than ever before (i know it's hard to believe). i'm sensing that it's becoming more of a medication than a hobby/lifestyle. it seems like daily all i can think about is how bad i want to go fishing and i can't quite settle down at night unless i've spent some time out there. either i'm getting old or i've watched a river runs through it too many times.

by the way, my plan was to post a little something up here daily, but being that i've already missed that opportunity the 2nd day since i started this thing, it's unlikely. but hey, other than my mom (thanks!) and matt falk (thanks also!) it seems like none of you are investing in this relationship as much as i am. so i'm going to take it in stride and try to post whenever i get a chance. :)

i was also thinking that i should include a little bit about what's been on my heart/mind recently. the other night i was talking with another friend out here about faith and it sparked some questions in me. i've been wondering why God would allow someone like me to do the work i'm doing. i know that i'm out here for a reason, but it's so hard to understand why He would choose us to deliver His message. and it's not just some spam or an advertisement, it's an important message. choosing us to do this work is like having a heroine addict for a mailman. i know if someone is sending me a million dollar check, i don't want a heroine addict responsible for getting that thing to me. and the most mind-boggling part is that he has me- the most imperfect person i know, working for Him.

i know it sounds silly but i know that if i was the God of the universe, i would just write it across the sky in flames or just appear to everyone and say "hey, i'm God, you should listen to what i'm going to say... and read your bible too". but He doesn't do that.
He does the exact opposite.
He trusts us.
He trusts us who complain and fall short a million times a day, who boast and are proud. He trusts us who suck and sin.
He trusts us to tell the world about Him.
it doesn't make any sense, and it's so hard to understand. i suppose that's why they call it faith.

hopefully i didn't ruin your day by making you think too hard about the stuff i've been carrying around this week.

oh yeah, the previous background was just a random one i choose to get this thing started. i've upgraded. i got those sweet grapes back there now to remind everyone i'm less than 2 hours from napa valley. if you read my last post you'll realize that 2 hours is really close! pretty sweeeeettt.

mk